You'll Never Be Anyone Else

It's an obvious thought, but those of us who struggle with low self-esteem often spend our energy trying to be someone different and deeming ourselves unacceptable. We think we have to be perfect before we're allowed to feel good about ourselves. It takes daily effort to maintain low self-esteem, peppering our thoughts with punishing put-downs, convinced we'll never amount to anything. This pattern is debilitating, all consuming and permeates all attempts to enjoy life. We now live in an era of either/or, rather than both/and. We are being pitted against each other instead of encouraging us to be kind in our differences.

The truth is, we will never be someone else and have to settle for being good enough as we are. This revelatory thought came one wet Monday morning, as I stood in my kitchen. The words began to burrow into my mental software and create a slow, but steady system change over years. I had to practice compassion towards my warty parts and learn to question and reject self-harming thoughts that did not support my wellbeing.

The creative arts are the most competitive of fields in which very few succeed. Whatever the medium, being creative is about expressing our inner self and we need to access our vulnerability to make something meaningful. Putting ourselves out there and 'selling' that vulnerability, exposes us to rejection. Artist's lives are littered with rejections and it takes the resilience of an athlete to stay the course. 

Creativity has always been the core of my life, it has kept me absorbed and enabled me to live colourfully with little money. It has also brought frustration and disappointment, which played into those negative attitudes towards myself. I was a professional actor in my youth and whilst I enjoyed some amazing moments, mostly I was broke and out of work. I also have been an artist and author, but never earned a living from any of it.

Gradually I learned self-acceptance and felt at home in my skin. In the last ten years, poetry has provided a portable, self-generated and inexpensive means of expression. I have been fortunate to be published in journals and had books out with small publishers to whom I am very grateful. It has taught me to ride rejection and to keep going. It has also generated a lively social life, as we meet and celebrate each others work, while encouraging each other to keep going. 

This year I will be in my mid seventies and have received the late gift of a significant publishing contract for my collection, 'You'll Never Be Anyone Else'. The collection explores themes of identity and otherness in different areas of life: childhood, ethnicity, sexuality, relationships and ageing. This event has shredded my old script of frustration and disappointment and injected new life into an ageing trouper. I shall be making the most of it with lots of readings and hope to see you there. I'm forever grateful to Seren Books for believing in my work and giving me a platform to share it with others. The collection will be published on April 24th

I hope that you all find ways to feel good about yourselves, just as you are. 

https://www.serenbooks.com/productdisplay/youll-never-be-anyone-else